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David Sedaris- Pretty much awesome.

I read this over in David Sedaris' Naked and I thought it was snarky and hunourous enough to share, and I think a lot of us here can relate:

"A person in a wheelchair often feels invisible. Push a wheelchair and you're invisible as well. Outside of the dorm, the only people to address us would speak as if we were deaf, kneeling beside the chair to shout, "FATHER TONY IS HAVING A GUITAR MASS THIS SUNDAY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US?"
Peg would beckon the speaker close and whisper, "I collect the teeth from live kittens and use them to make necklaces for Satan."
"WELL SURE YOU DO," they'd say. "THAT'S WHAT OUR FELLOWSHIP IS ALL ABOUT.
"For Peg, being invisible was an old and tiresome story. To me, it definitely had some hidden potential. So began our life of crime."



I wish I had the wherewithal to respond like that when people act like I'm completely incapable of doing ANYTHING AT ALL EVER whenever there are wheels under my arse.

Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
fallconsmate
Dec. 24th, 2010 09:15 am (UTC)
I like it. :D of course, when I'd go out with Miss Satan, she'd say (loudly) "now you behave, gimpy, or I'm letting you roll into the street again!" or the ever-popular "that's it, we get home and you're going back in the closet". I love my daughter!
kittenmommy
Dec. 24th, 2010 11:36 pm (UTC)

OMG, that's awesome!
hypomanic_poet
Dec. 26th, 2010 06:15 am (UTC)
That is all kinds of awesome! I'd like "Miss Satan"! Lol.
fallconsmate
Dec. 26th, 2010 06:20 am (UTC)
She's totally awesome, covered in glitter and awesomesauce. That's us together in my icon...she IS my evil clone.

She's been Satan since second grade and the head nun asked that she NOT be sent back to the catholic school the next school year. ;)
simonejester
Dec. 31st, 2010 08:27 am (UTC)
AWESOME. :D
gehayi
Dec. 24th, 2010 10:57 am (UTC)
This is BRILLIANT.

And based on that passage, I'm gonna have to read that book.
teal_cuttlefish
Dec. 25th, 2010 05:27 am (UTC)
Oh, me too! I have read one book by David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day, on a flight from Denver to Newark. I giggled through the entire flight, to the consternation of some of my fellow passengers. I was gimpy enough then, ten or so years ago, to use a cane and board early, so I was already seated and giggling when people boarded the plane. I loved the book. Don't know why I haven't read more by him; probably inertia.
hypomanic_poet
Dec. 26th, 2010 06:33 am (UTC)
Ooh! I must remember to pick that book up from the library or something! I've not heard of that one.
hypomanic_poet
Dec. 26th, 2010 06:18 am (UTC)
I highly reccomend it! David Sedaris is brilliant. :)
technomom
Dec. 24th, 2010 12:18 pm (UTC)
Oh. My. Goddess. I will now have to get that book.

I got a small taste of things when I was temporarily abled and flying home from Chicago. I happened to be chatting with an elderly woman who I'd never met previously before our flight boarded. She happened to be in a wheelchair, but the reason for that didn't happen to come up - why would it?

An airline employee walked up to us and interrupted our conversation without so much as a nod to social convention and addressed me, wanting to know if SHE needed to board early. I suggested that he should ask the lady, as she seemed quite capable of speaking for herself. He seemed utterly amazed, as if I'd just told him to have a conversation with the shrubbery. He did so, though, and after they'd completed their interaction, the lady told me that such things happened to her all the time!

I think that was around 1998. Things haven't really changed that much, have they?
kittenmommy
Dec. 24th, 2010 11:37 pm (UTC)

He seemed utterly amazed, as if I'd just told him to have a conversation with the shrubbery.

I just... *sigh*
simonejester
Dec. 31st, 2010 08:30 am (UTC)
Alas. My best friend has trouble with that too--she has CP and gets around on wrist crutches...and people always ask about her to the people she's with, as if she couldn't speak for herself.

My granny had the same problem during the last couple years of her life, because she needed a wheelchair. People would always address the person pushing her instead of her and it irked her to no end.
badgerbag
Dec. 24th, 2010 07:39 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha! Right on!!!! Snarky answers rule!!!
wombathouse
Dec. 25th, 2010 09:22 pm (UTC)
Sedaris For Christmas! Hurray!

If you can't beat them ...

... you need a bigger stick.
fallconsmate
Dec. 26th, 2010 06:24 am (UTC)
Or you get an attack-woobie. See my icon. She may be little, but...oh who am I kidding. She'd pee on their feet and run hide. *giggling*

I love her but having an unhousetrained adult dog is trying. Especially when the girl wants SO badly to please and isn't sure what to do.
hypomanic_poet
Dec. 26th, 2010 06:40 am (UTC)
She looks scary!!!

Lol, I kid. She's a cutie pie! <3
fallconsmate
Dec. 26th, 2010 06:55 am (UTC)
She really is a sweetie. Five years old, all of four pounds, just wants to be a lap puppy. And so she is. :)
wombathouse
Dec. 26th, 2010 07:06 pm (UTC)
awwww, cutie pie!

any hope of housetraining with It's Me or The Dog methods? That woman (Victoria Stillwell) really seems to know what she's doing.

Here's her website if you're interested :D

http://positively.com



fallconsmate
Dec. 26th, 2010 07:40 pm (UTC)
Oh thank you! Her main issue is that she's got reverse training. Most dog won't soil their sleeping area...she's been in a puppy mill, and kept confined most of her life. So she has to un-learn that behavior. I'm grateful that she makes small messes! :)
wombathouse
Dec. 26th, 2010 09:13 pm (UTC)
Poor woobie-pie.

She is very lucky to have you, a patient mommy, to rescue her.
fallconsmate
Dec. 27th, 2010 03:06 pm (UTC)
She gives back in amusement and love, she really does.
elettaria
Dec. 27th, 2010 10:28 am (UTC)
My parents' previous dog was a rescue, and while she was only 6 months, had been kept confined all her life. It took quite a while to housetrain her, and she still shat under the piano when she was feeling stressed for a bit longer, but they did succeed in the end. She was also absolutely terrified of people for a while, and didn't really warm to anyone until my stepdad appeared on the scene (I think she was at least 7 then), at which point she fell madly in love with him. Despite being nicknamed Houdini Dog for her dreadful habit of getting out of the garden (it was like Colditz eventually) and into a really dangerous road, she lived to be nearly 17, longer than any dog my mother's had before. She too weighed 4lb or 5lb, my mother's always had Yorkies. What breed is yours?

Now they have an adorable little creature who's a bit over a year old and whom I reckon they really need to train, as she's madly affectionate but also can get upset if she doesn't think she has enough attention, not to mention that she's never learned that nibbling on humans isn't appreciated. She really is the most loving little thing, though, and is deeply in love with a Pomeranian who lives around the corner. Does anyone know a good book I could recommend to my mother? I don't think training classes are likely to happen in the near future.
fallconsmate
Dec. 27th, 2010 02:57 pm (UTC)
Shadow is a poodle. She's really a well behaved girl, she amuses me constantly with the way she jumps in excitement about her meals, she doesn't bark unless confined (she has a soft carrier for in the car and a kennel for nightime).

I'm being patient with her most of the time, but it's not always easy, epecially if I'm having a bad day. She's decided I am HER human and she doesnt want to share. She's sleeping beside me with her head on my leg so I can't get away. She is ok with women, doesn't care for men, and I can see her being a good companion for years to come.
feyandstrange
Dec. 27th, 2010 12:22 pm (UTC)
I ran into a random (Able-bodied looking) person in an elevator who mentioned the invisibility thing. He then told me he had a brother who was in a wheelchair and also developmentally disabled. The brother's favorite trick was to say "You can't see me, I'm in a wheelchair!" very loudly in a singsong voice when people ignored him in favor of anybody else.

I'm thinking I need that on a T-shirt.
yasonablack
Dec. 27th, 2010 02:38 pm (UTC)
The brother's favorite trick was to say "You can't see me, I'm in a wheelchair!" very loudly in a singsong voice when people ignored him in favor of anybody else.

That. Is. Awesome.
hypomanic_poet
Dec. 28th, 2010 06:50 am (UTC)
I may just start doing that, myself! Either that or I'll turn to my husband and go "Hmm..I must still have my Invisibility Cloak on..." :P The ManCreature doesn't read Harry Potter (let alone pretty much anything)so he won't get the HP reference, but someone else is BOUND TO. :P
simonejester
Dec. 31st, 2010 08:31 am (UTC)
T-shirt, icon, button... XD
yasonablack
Dec. 27th, 2010 02:40 pm (UTC)
That is hilarious, and now I must read his books. I've had a friend telling me I should read them for years. I was just talking to my friend (after watching Dinotopia) that I had to start my life of crime if all the crips in the movies were going to be evil. I plan on conquering Britain first.
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )

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